Not Your Sweetie

Toronto Star:

BUSH FAILS TO MEET MORON CRITERIA
by Thomas Walkom

The debate over whether George W. Bush is a moron continues to sputter.
Morons are outraged at being lumped in with the U.S. president. Americans,
meanwhile, are mildly amused that it has taken Canadians so long to discover
the obvious.

The controversy exploded last week when Francoise Ducros, an adviser to
Prime Minister Jean Chrétien, was overheard at a NATO meeting in Prague
saying, "What a moron," apparently in relation to Bush.

Morons say this is an outlandish slur. "We're nice people," explained one.
"We don't threaten other countries or use the courts to steal elections.
George W. Bush may be a dangerous lunatic. But he's no moron."

Chrétien seems to agree. "He's not a moron at all," the Prime Minister told
reporters on Thursday, referring to Bush.

Still, the opposition parties are not content. The Canadian Alliance argues
that if Bush discovers he is a moron, this could affect Canada-U.S.
relations.

Chrétien, however, says there is nothing to worry about. Bush, he said,
doesn't read Canadian newspapers

According to the International Dictionary of Medicine and Biology, most
morons are "educable and do not require institutionalization but need some
supervision in working at some simple job by which they can become
self-sustaining members of society."

Some have argued that this definition fits Bush to a tee. In most matters,
they note, he is carefully supervised by Vice-President Dick Cheney, Defence
Secretary Donald Rumsfield and Attorney-General John Ashcroft.

Cheney and Rumsfield run Bush's wars while Ashworth stifles domestic
opposition. At home in the White House, first lady Laura Bush is charged
with watching over the president.

"Since the president's inauguration, he's only been left unsupervised once -
to watch a football game on television," recalled one expert. "And look what
happened. He fell off the couch, choked on a pretzel and hurt his head."

While the Canadian media have gone gaga over the Bush-is-moron story,
Americans seem to have taken it in their stride. "Once again, Canadians have
discovered the obvious," editorialized the Wall Street Journal dismissively.
"Duh, Canada" riposted the New York Post.

In a lengthy analysis, the New York Times pointed out that Americans have
long made a practice of electing dead people to the Senate and morons to the
presidency.

"This kind of flexibility is what makes U.S. democracy so vital," the Times
went on. "Why should the Senate be denied the wisdom of those who have
passed on? Why should the presidency be the preserve of the mentally
capable?"

Recent polls suggest that most Americans agree. A stunning 67 per cent of
respondents think that Bush is a moron compared with the next largest
category, 28 per cent, who believe him to be a space alien.

Yet neither has affected his 82 per cent approval rating.