Not Your Sweetie

Monty Python's Terry Jones Loves Bush's Thinking:



I'm losing patience with my neighbours, Mr
Bush

Terry Jones
Sunday January 26, 2003

The Observer

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's
running out of patience. And so am I!

For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a
couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health
food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is
planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover
what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's
got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.

As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good
sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street
telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police?
But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a
crime with which to charge my neighbours.

They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and
wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be
finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be
secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent
range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But
until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush
has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can
wade in and do whatever I want.