Not Your Sweetie

Venerable journalist Ceci Connelly went berserk
at the Gore inauguration and had to be
sedated.


David Podvin

Now that we have reached the midpoint in the first term of President Al
Gore, it is time to reflect on
what has occurred during the past two years. Under the president’s wise
leadership, America is
experiencing unprecedented prosperity at home and receiving unparalleled
respect overseas; our
nation has never been stronger. As the Washington Post recently
editorialized, “It’s time for
impeachment!”

Of course, President Gore won the election in a controversial manner -
by getting the most votes. The
choice of the American people was ratified in an upset five-four
decision by the United States Supreme
Court when, just minutes before hearing the case, Associate Justice
Clarence Thomas inadvertently
glanced into a mirror. Thomas was stunned to discover that he is a black
man, and immediately resolved
that ballots cast by African Americans in Florida would have be counted.