Not Your Sweetie

== Shut The Hell Up And Keep Your Whiny Religious BS Out Of My Sex Life
Day == by Mark Morford

President Bush pleased twitchy puling sexless badly dressed desperately
repressed anti-abortion activists Tuesday by declaring a National
Sanctity of Human Life Day and pledging his administration's commitment
to "build a culture that respects life," except for, you know, animals
and the environment and foreigners and anyone who's not really really
white and rich and who doesn't know his dad or who has bonked Jenna in a
drunken frat haze, as Cheney and Rummy stood nearby, snickering and
rubbing their hands together and conjuring dark oozing demons from deep
in their own bowels while ordering 100,000 more troops into the Gulf to
prepare to massacre an estimated 500,000 to 900,000 Iraqis, as estimated
by the U.N., the sanctity of whose life, of course, don't matter in the
slightest. The announcement was immediately followed by an announcement
by every sentient sexually attuned self-defined being on the planet that
tomorrow and in fact every day thereafter will officially be known as
"Spank an Uptight Anti-Choice Groupthink Dinkmonkey Whilst Embracing And
Sucking The Toes of Your Own Funky Gorgeous Ability to Think For
Yourself Day," which, all agreed, will look absolutely terrific on a
greeting card.