Not Your Sweetie

(#184) (Rated 5.00/3)

by TOTALLY COMMITTED on 02/27/2004 05:22:42 PM EST



BREAKING NEWS
John Edwards "Most Important" Feature...
In a stunning announcement just moments ago, John Edwards decided to tell America about what's most on the electorate's mind whenever they look at him, and consider him for VP. Most people think of his glossy, well-coifed hair, but he just pleaded with us to notice what's important about him.
"As you know I'm the son of a mill-worker", he told the crowd, "But I've been blessed in a way that few other people have. Let me tell you about what I believe is the most important reason to urge John Kerry to choose me as his VP... I've just found out that the mole on my lip is no ordinary growth. It was getting bigger and bigger, so I took some valuable time away from campaigning yesterday to have it looked at. I would like to tell you the good news. I AM GROWING A SECOND HEAD!"
He went on to explain to the stunned crowd that the growth on his lip was indeed a second head. Doctors, he said, assured him it would be fullt grown by the Democratic National Convention.
"I will be able to talk out of both sides of my face by then. Think about how important that will be against the Republicans! And, if it's anywhere NEAR as good-looking as my first face, I'll be twice as handsome as I was before -- a genuine two-for-one deal!"
As if an after thought, he then explained to the crowd that, even though the second head would be brainless, it would be smarter than George Bush, "I can assure you that my brainless head could win a debate with George Bush any day of the week!"
Reminded that it would be Dick Cheney he would be debating, Edwards said, "Well, at least it'll be better looking that Cheney, and just as two-faced. So, I still say, I'm the darned best VP candidate out there."
Speaking from California by phone, John Kerry was asked about whether having two heads would be something he'd be looking for in his choice of VP, "Well, John's a good man, I like him. And, He's bound to have a great looking second head, but I'm thinking -- two heads... four stars... I may go with Wes Clark, anyway."
Link:
http://www.icantbelieveitsasecondhead.com/edwards/sheltonsboyfriend/bushlite/html